I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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