i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
