I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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