remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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