She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
