I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
