They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
