We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
