I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
