yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
