If that was your dad, he is hot
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
