Betty ford says i'm here all night
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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