she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
