how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Every concussion has its silver lining
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
pray to the hookup gods
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
