if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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