Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
