She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
