if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
