HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
