I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
