READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
