i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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