i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
