He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
