Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Pooping to opera.
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