I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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