it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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