I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
