tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
