I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
