well you can't waste a boner
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
