So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
