i already hear my dad disowning me
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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