remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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