So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
