So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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