Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
