So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
