Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
