I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
