I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
