He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
