Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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