I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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