It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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