:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
