So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
