Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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