im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Still dying that you shit outside
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
