____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
