He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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